It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

It has been a while since I posted, and I am truly sorry for that! Things have gotten crazy around here from Thanksgiving, which I spent with my aunt in CT, to trying to get all the students signed up for the SEEK Conference in January. And our final weeks of pushing and asking and praying has paid off! We have around 40 students (including 3 seminarians) signed up for conference! We will be taking a bus from Seton Hall to the Swan and Dolphin Resort starting in the afternoon on the 1st of January. We have been speaking at different parishes, raising money to help pay for renting the bus, and what was said reminded me why I spent so long trying to convince those I love to give it a chance. "[SEEK 2013] will be a life changing event for students – many will go to Confession and Mass for the first time in several years, other students will discover a vocation to priesthood or religious life and many others will recommit their lives to the Catholic Faith." I am counting down the days! 

Speaking of countdowns, I get to see my sister for the first time since August in 3 days and 7 hours. Just saying.

Since yesterday was the feast of the Immaculate Conception, I went to the chapel to pray my rosary in front of Mary and wanted to share this picture with you. This is the statue of Mary at the front of our chapel. I just adore this image of her, a slight smile on her face, holding Jesus yet looking at the congregation of the faithful. A friend of mine and I have discussed our love for Mary at length. Naturally, when I saw this statue I tried to describe it to her. I probably didn't do a very good job, though, so here's the 'real' thing:

The flowers are for her feast day!

Last night the missionaries went into the City for some relaxing time. It was much needed and we all had a great time! Most of the FOCUS missionaries went as well as the missionaries from St. Paul's Outreach. With their 4 plus our 5 (one of us couldn't make it) plus one, our group got to be pretty large! We got to the City around 8 and made a beeline for the tree! It's very beautiful. Many say that they are disappointed by how small it is in real life, but it was still very impressive. 

Then we stood along the rail and watch the skaters (you would just watch too at a $45 fee to skate on such a tiny crowded rink!). It was amusing to watch a little boy skillfully darting through adults - he reminded me of my almost 10 year old cousin - and the four little girls trying to spin and the really talented skaters try not to hit the mere mortals while spinning gracefully.

Caitlyn wanted a ride!

Toward the end of the night half of the party departed and the rest of us went to Phebe's Tavern and Grill to continue with our fellowship. It was wonderful to be able to talk with the two SPO women. We have been becoming closer friends, but because all of us are busy with our own missions, we don't have much time to spend just us missionaries. I am so blessed to be serving on a campus with such amazing men and women!

Me and the SPO women

Blessings

I took the bus from Manhattan to South Orange and was astounded at the amount of damage and debris I saw still on the roads. Being from Tampa, I am no stranger to hurricanes, but we have been blessed that the hurricanes for as long as I can remember have avoided our corner of the world. I have never had to drive through my city and see the havoc Mother Nature left. When Sandy hit last week, I was running around the apartment filling up the tub, buying perishables, getting flashlights in easily accessible places. All through Sunday, Monday, and early Tuesday my team waited...and waited...and waited. But the electricity stayed on, the water kept running, and the worst damage we could see from our window was trees flexing in the wind. I was getting updates from my aunt in CT who lost power for a day, the other Catholic missionaries - who live in a house behind the university - who were without power until yesterday afternoon, and other missionaries from the area most of whom lost power. Driving to campus last Wednesday to pick up my car from the parking garage where it stayed during the storm, we saw countless trees and limbs blocking roads. The lights remained dark in the neighborhood between our apartment and the university until yesterday. The devastation is astounding, but the response from the students is amazing as well! DOVE, the service organization on campus is swamped with students desiring to help our neighbors. 

If you could please keep one of my student leaders in your prayers. She has family that lives on the coast. Her great-aunt's house is condemned, the sea-facing wall having been swept away. A few other relatives' houses, including her grandmother's house where she has lived the past two summers, have at least 3 ft of water damage, making the furniture useless and requiring a lot of work to make them livable again. It's really shaken her up to see pictures of that house on the Internet, taken by random strangers who are wandering the coast documenting the damage. 

In happier news, I was able to go home this past weekend! It was such a blessing to be with my parents! At first I thought I wasn't going to be able to leave as my flight was supposed to leave last Thursday morning from JFK, but after only a little bit of hassle, I got switched to a flight from Hartford, CT to Orlando. One of my teammates graciously made the 3 hour drive from South Orange to Hartford in Starr then turned around and drove her back. My mom promised him homemade apple bread, though, so it's all good. Then my mom was waiting for me in Orlando, having driven 2 hours to come pick me up. She and I can talk about pretty much anything, so the 2 hour drive back was filled with easy, light conversation. You know, things like emotional chastity, finding joy in difficult situations, not being married in heaven, and how to be a better missionary. Man, I love my mom! 

Getting ready to head home! (in other news, I now have Instagram and think I am a professional photographer)

Sitting by my pool in the backyard, soaking in the FL sun...

She went to a scrapbooking event on Friday, so my dad and I were on our own for dinner. That translates into Mr. Empanada!! It was so nice to sit down with my dad and chat. We had a great time at dinner and then chugged up on the couch to watch The Book of Eli. Great father-daughter bonding time. We were going to go see Flight on Sunday, but his dad (my grandfather) passed away on Saturday evening. He has been sick for a while and we weren't sure he was going to hang on this long, but he's a stubborn man. He made it to his 90th birthday which was last Monday and held on even longer as a special gift to me so that my parents were home for 3 days with me before they headed up to PA for the funeral on Sunday morning. The funeral was yesterday, and though I'm sad I wasn't there, I heard it was beautiful. 

More on the weather front, I just have to illustrate how much God loves me. He allowed me to go home and lounge around in my sundresses and bare feet for 5 days out on my back porch before He sent me back north to the Nor'easter storm that gave us a good 3-4 inches of snow yesterday. Brrrr!!! Spent a while unburying Starr this morning.   

...fast forward 36 hours and it's snowing!!!

Poor Starr! (and since I think I'm a professional photographer, sometimes I tilt my phone sideways...which sometimes works better than others)

Oh Sandy!

Well we're all hunkering down to weather Sandy, the hurricane that is passing through. We woke up with electricity, and since everything else, including the University and the churches are closed, I figured it would be a good time to post an update on how things are going!

Here is a map of Sandy's path as of midmorning Monday.

This weekend I was able to head up to Connecticut to visit my aunt and uncle. They were having an early Thanksgiving get together, as not everyone could make it in a month. I got to see my cousin who I grew up with visiting my grandparents' house. We are only a few months apart in age, so we get along pretty well. It had been a long time since we had seen each other though, almost a year and a half! As my uncle is a new and welcome addition to my extended family and I was unfortunately unable to attend his wedding to my aunt, I had yet to meet his 5 children, and my new cousins. Luckily two of his boys were able to come as well as his brother and sister-in-law. We had such a great time! There was so much food, even the men didn't have seconds of everything. Once we had rolled ourselves out of the house after dinner, we made our way to 41st Bridge Street, a nice restaurant that was hosting a Blues Band competition. It was so awesome! Both bands were extremely talented, but my favorite was the Delta Generators. They received a standing ovation and came on for 2 encores!

I had made the decision to leave in the morning, against my aunt's wishes, but it was important to be back down here to weather the storm with my team. Yesterday was spent stocking up on water, non-perishable foods, and batteries. The news is constantly on in the background - and gosh, I never thought I would become my mother. But here I am with a tab opened to the weather channel online, keeping an eye on Sandy even as I type. Both of my parents have been such a help and a blessing. Even though I am standing on my own two feet, making my own decisions, I know I can always call them, ask for advice, and they will give it. I am so blessed! Know that if you are in the path of the hurricane, you are in our prayers. Please keep me in yours so that I make it home on Thursday! (my plane leaves from JFK at 6:15am on Thursday)

I saw on one of the news stories that there were people refusing to evacuate, even though they were in evacuation zone A. While I know some of them choose this because, like someone told me recently, they think the government and the weather channel are in cahoots to boost the economy and the storm won't really be that bad, the reporter said some were staying behind because they were scared of loosing their houses. Seriously? I'm imagining a man standing in front of his house, his family huddled behind him, pointing a shotgun at the oncoming 'Frankenstorm'. All joking aside, there is something wrong with society that a person's property is worth more than complying with a government that's trying to save their life and the lives of the rescue teams who this person assumes would come rescue them if things got too bad. It reminds me of the story of the Prodigal Son. While this story is definitely a story about forgiveness (the younger son takes money from his father, squanders it, then comes back home where the father forgives him and welcomes him back with a huge party) the main moral is often overlooked. Both sons value material things: the younger son demands his inheritance from his father and returns only when the money has run out, the older son follows the letter of the law and is mad that he hasn't gotten a party sponsored by his father with his friends. But that's not the true treasure. The father says to the older son when he complains: "My son, you are here with me always". It is not the material things that have the most value, but the fact that we have a relationship with God.

We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless. The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty. ~Mother Teresa 

Welcome to Fall

So it has been awhile since I posted, and for that I am sorry! So much has been going on that I can't wait to tell you about!

Two weekends ago the students at Seton Hall went on Fall break and the missionaries got to go to Pennsylvania for our regional gathering. All of the missionaries from the Northeast and Atlantic regions had about 40 hours to spend away from campus, playing and praying with fellow missionaries in the beautiful, mountainous, colorful retreat center in the woods. Because one of my teammates went to Mount St. Mary's, only a short drive from the retreat center, we were able to stop by and even see the shrine to St. Elizabeth Ann Seton! Then this past weekend, I was able to go visit my aunt who lives in CT! It was such a beautiful and relaxing drive and time with her and her husband!

For those who know my testimony, you know that the FOCUS national conference in 2010 played a big role in my conversion story. This year FOCUS is having another national conference in Orlando. We're expecting 7,000 students to descend on the Swan and Dolphin Resort for 5 days of rejuvenating and life changing experiences. Here at SHU, we are hoping to bring 100 students on 2 buses for an over 24 hour drive! The missionaries started fundraising last year and we have been able to sponsor 2 students who will be going for free. I wanted to share these two stories with you to show you how God is working here.

First, there is a girl who is currently going through RCIA and is very involved with Campus Ministry. I had asked her if she was going, but she said that she wasn't. She is from California and because of other circumstances, she won't be able to go home at all next summer, so she really wanted to have as much time at home as possible over winter break. Going to conference would mean coming East 2 weeks before she had to be here. Her name ended up in a drawing at one of our events last week, and when her name was read as the winner, she started crying. She said she had been praying about going, and that this is God's answer. She is sad about missing out on time with her family, but she is so ready to go to Florida! I had dinner with her yesterday and she told me a story: In the Bible Study she is in, they make a poster at the beginning of the year with a quote that they will try to live out all year. This year's ends with "God keeps you going." After winning free registration, she got a 'going' sticker and put it near her poster. She couldn't sleep the other night and started meditating on the quote, and this is what happened:

Praise God for answered prayers!

The second is just as amazing! A young man who none of us had met before won at an event we had earlier this year. He looked like someone who was just at the even to get points to put him in a better position for housing next year. He didn't partake in any of the small group discussion, basically keeping to himself and studying the whole time. When we called his name at the raffle, someone overheard him say an expletive. The missionaries assumed he was mad about going and was going to drag his feet. Well one of the male missionaries had a meeting with him last night and found out differently. Apparently he never wins anything, and when our team director said "and the person going to FL is..." he said his own name followed shortly by our TD announcing his name. Out came the expletive. He has also been wanting to go to Florida for a long time. My teammate asked him if the faith aspect was a deterrent  since we actually won't be seeing much of Florida. He responded that it wasn't. In fact, he is inviting at least 7 of his friends, who all are interested if they have some help fundraising! Praise God! Please keep these two and the other 98 students going to SEEK from Seton Hall University in your prayers.

In other news, two of my really good friends made the 12 hour trip from Belmont Abbey to come and visit me for their fall break! They got here last night around 2am and will be here until Sunday! I am so blessed to have such amazing friends!

Faith Like a Child

I have just gotten back from a half day retreat. Before I get into the details, I just want to say thank you all for your prayers! God has been hearing them and my complaints about traffic/driving and gave me the most perfect half hour journey today. We had our retreat at the Shrine of St. Joseph about half an hour away. The drive was perfect: a 10 mile stretch on a lightly trafficked highway where I got to go 70mph! Once you got off the interstate, we then drove through back streets lined with trees that every once and a while would surprise us with some yellow, orange, or red leaves. The Shrine was right in the middle of this rural fairytale land. It was the most enjoyable time I have had in the car since I got here.

This dedication to Our Lady of Fatima is where I spent the morning meditating at the Shrine

There was very little structure to the day, but there was a theme: faith. As some of you know, Pope Benedict XVI (my hero), has declared this year from October 11, 2012 until November 24, 2013 to be the year of faith in honor of the 50th anniversary of Vatican II. When asked to share what we were going to do for ourselves and the students we serve in light of this inspiration, I found myself meditating on this stained glass window:

This image is one of the windows in the chapel at Our Lady of Sorrows where the missionaries go to Mass on Saturdays. I am drawn to the little girl in the yellow dress. I realize that this is how I want to live this year of faith. I want to continually seek Jesus' side. I want to clutch His robe so that I can hold on to nothing else. I want to continually look upon His face with complete and utter love and devotion. And perhaps more than anything, I want to feel His loving gaze into my soul and His gentle hand upon my head.

So now that I live in the north, and we actually have a change of seasons, I have realized that people love doing 'seasonal' things. So things like apple picking, pumpkin spiced anything, scarves, and colored leaves are all the topic of conversation around here. So on Saturday, myself, the other women missionaries, and two other students went apple picking! It was my first time and I had a blast! It was fun to wander through the orchard, looking for non-rotted apples. We ended up walking away with three bags full of apples between the five of us.

Caitlyn climbed the tree to grab an illusive good looking apple.

Is there something on my face?

I had grand plans for my apples! I wanted to bake apple crisp. So as soon as we got home, I picked up the ingredients and called a student to head over for a baking frenzy. It was so delicious! While we were eating our straight-from-the-oven warm crisp with vanilla ice cream we watched Clue. Made in 1985 and based on the board game, it was so ridiculous it was hilarious! What a great Saturday!

We brought the rest of the apples to the brothers' house on Monday. We were invited there for vespers followed by an authentic Mexican meal. There are 5 professed brothers/priests of the Community of St. John who live and work at Our Lady of Mt Carmel Parish, two of whom also work at Seton Hall (I mentioned them in a recent post). Br. Martin was a chef before he entered, so everything we cooked had to get his seal of approval. The food was delicious and the company was impeccable. I am truly very blessed.

On Friday the FOCUS missionaries head to PA for the Atlantic regional gathering. I can't wait to be reunited with my fellow missionaries from the surrounding states. Yet, a missionary's work is never done. Please pray for peace for all the missionaries this weekend. Pray that we can leave all the to-do lists at home and truly enjoy each others' company. Pray that our to-do lists are blessed and get done, despite the way the hours disappear during the week. Know that you are in our thoughts and prayers!

The Urgent and The Important

Time management. That's what I talked about this week in mentorship with one of the women I get the chance to walk with this year. She is involved in so many things, it's a miracle she has any time to breathe in her schedule. So we talked about making sure she gave time to FOCUS, but at the same time making me aware that she had other commitments. Basically, we are meant to live in moderation. Go figure. As I headed home and thought of all the things I have to and want to do, I was reminded to live my life in moderation. I had a slight mental breakdown recently as I had made a list at least 587 pages long of things that needed to get done in the hour I had between meeting with students and my team. I called my mentor in a panic, needing talked down from the proverbial ledge. (Side note, she is amazing!) She calmly asked about my list, all the things I had to do, and walked me through urgency and importance and ordering my time. Now I've heard this countless time from my mother, but it's different in a moment of sheer panic and stress. I'm sure my mom could point to a book by a brilliant life strategist about this all important life skill, but for now, I will share this website that has a very simple and easy explanation if you are looking for details. It was a very helpful call out to organize my time better and to live in moderation. As much as I would love to, I can't spend all my time in prayer, nor can I spend all my time talking to my friend across the street.

In a day in the life update, this past week we gave a scholarship to our conference in January to a guy at Seton Hall, Rashon, who was less than thrilled at being chosen. Please pray for him! We have these two great religious men who work with campus ministry:

Br. Andrew James (aka Br. AJ) - he plays the guitar and harmonica and never forgets anyone's name.

Fr. Gabriel Mary - he has such reverence on the altar and such a joyful spirit.

They are a part of the community of St. John and they are two incredibly holy men. Seton Hall is so blessed to have them. They do a program once a month called Philosophy Brew. It's a chance for people of all faiths and backgrounds to come and discuss some topic from a philosophical point of view. I didn't realize how much I missed learning and intellectual discussion until I was able to go to this evening of intellectual exchange. It was so incredible! Also, a freshman I met is going to teach me how to knit! We were laughing at ourselves in the check out line in Walmart with our knitting needles and yarn. How strange to see two young women knitting, but there we were. Yesterday I went with a student leader to NYC to go to the Met. It was incredible...and large. Very large. We had deep fried Oreos and waffles covered in Nutella. Overall, it was an amazing trip with an amazing woman.

Also, I watch Dr. Who. And the fall finale is coming up. And one of my favorite characters is leaving the show. I'm pretty convinced she's going to die or some other tragic, emotional departure. So I'm rereading the Hunger Games to feel better - wait, that has a sad ending too. Good. All that to say that I took time for myself this week, praise God.

The Big City and Tye Dye

This weekend has been a flurry of events! On Friday we had our team trip into the city. It was so much fun! We got to walk through Times Square and explored the three levels of the M&M store. I'm not sure how, but I resisted the temptation to buy any M&Ms. It's truly a miracle. We had the opportunity to pray in three separate churches. First, we spent a few minutes in St. Francis of Assisi church right outside Penn Station. Then we spent went to Mass and said our holy hour in St. Patrick's Cathedral. Finally we got to see Padre Pio's glove at the San Gennaro Church in Little Italy. After praying through there, we wandered through the San Gennaro festival in Little Italy. There were so many people and vendors and cannolis! We also celebrated Caitlyn's 21st cheeseburger at Five Guys for lunch. Up until last September, my teammate thought she didn't like cheese. After trying bacon cheese fries, she realized she was mistaken and started keeping count of how many cheeseburgers she consumed in her lifetime. I have been privileged enough to have been there for numbers 19, 20, AND 21.

As a slight digression, a small explination is due. The links above all send you to pictures of the churches. You may be wondering why I didn't just put the pictures in the blog. Well, in the saga of my computer woes that have spanned years, my 2 year old laptop decided the motherboard didn't want to work. So I am writing this from my iPad, which is such a blessing. However I can't save pictures from the Internet into my iPad, therefore can't put them in the blog. But I can still link. The computer problem should be fixed soon, and pictures will once again find their way onto this page.

Then on Saturday, we had a women's night at our apartment. We made 2 things of brownies, a bag of cookies, and tons of popcorn. About 12 women came over. We Tye dyed and played an icebreaker type game involving paper and charades, ending with a movie. It was so awesome to just sit back and see people getting along with people they never would have even met if the missionaries weren't here. It is so beautiful the way God works. I was content to just sit back and see all the women laughing over tyedye and popcorn. I am truly blessed.

Finally, last night we had all of the student leaders over to our apartment for fellowship and rejuvenation in the mission of FOCUS on campus. Those nights are called Upper Room nights. The title comes from the beginning of Acts when the disciples all gathered together for strength and prayer after Jesus ascended to Heaven. The point is to be strengthened by each others' trials and successes. We have such an amazing group of student leaders! I am so inspired by them and excited to be able to share in their journey this year!

With all that excitement, my introverted side is asking, where did my weekend go? Welcome to Monday in the life of a missionary. :)

We need Him to love us

I have led a very blessed life. I have two parents who are dedicated to each other, their marriage, and getting our family to Heaven. I have a sister who has forgiven me countless times and loves me enough to call me out when I am being less than I can be. I have found a handful of wonderful friends who put up with my antics and encourage me in everything I do. Sure, I have had struggles, who hasn't? But they have definitely been small ones. So it is amazing to me the people the Lord brings to my life.

Even when I was in high school and college, many of my friends dealt with struggles that I couldn't have imagined. And now that my job is basically to connect with as many women as possible at Seton Hall, I learn every day of a different pain that those around me have to live with. From things like pressure to please family members, a crush on an unattainable boy, or stress from over-extending themselves to healing from suicide attempts, eating disorders, or recovering from abuse, I have heard stories that blew my mind. I have even been privileged enough to accompany some of these women on parts of their journey to find healing.

When my friends share that broken piece of themselves with me, my heart aches for them. They are such amazing women that I don't ever want them to hurt that way, and if that can't happen, I want to fix it. I want to make a step-by-step plan of how, in one short year, they will be healed of this stress, of this hurt. However, during a conversation with my mentor, she reminded me of something that we all know, but as women it's sometimes hard to practice. You see, as women, we tend to want to fix things. We see orphans and we want to build an orphanage or adopt all the babies (that was for you, Jessica). When other women trust us with their struggles, when we can see their cracks and little broken parts, all we want is to soothe that pain. We want to help them heal them, therefore mistakenly placing their burden on ourselves. As much as I want to, I cannot heal. I cannot fix their problems or soothe even my best friends' wounds. Rather, I am here to lead them to the Great Physician. I can show them the suffering that our Savior endured so that we could be healed. That doesn't happen through a detailed program of healing, though. The best - the only - way I can help them is to live the love that God gives to me. St. Thérèse, while meditating on the Body of Christ, discovered through the Heart of Christ her vocation to love.

I understood that it was Love alone that made the Church's members act, that if Love ever became extinct, apostles would not preach the Gospel and martyrs would not shed their blood. I understood that love comprised all vocations, that love was everything, that it embraced all times and places...in a word, that it was eternal!

I can't  fix anyone's problems. Only God can. But I can love. The title comes from a song by one of my favorite Christian bands called BarlowGirl. It just reminds me that we all are broken and that the only thing that can heal us is the love of Our Father.

Matthew 28:19-20

So the school year has officially begun :) I am so excited to be here in New Jersey! I have definitely fallen in love with Seton Hall. Even though the campus is so small, there are a few places on campus that are so quiet and still, I can escape to work for a while.

Team life is a challenge, but a wonderful one that I wouldn't trade for the world. I love Terry and Caitlyn. I shared with my whole team a story of myself and my calendaring tendencies. In case you all didn't know this, I love to schedule things! I always own at least 3 planners and when I get stressed, I make another one from computer paper. We were all able to laugh at this, but even sharing this small thing has helped my team understand me. And I am definitely being challenged to take initiative and go with the flow regarding chores. My family would always schedule chores, but Terry and Caitlyn are more go with the flow. Therefore if I don't jump on certain chores, someone else ends up doing them and I feel like I am not pulling my weight. It has been an interesting transition, but I know God put me with my team to help me grow in sanctity.

I have officially asked three returning student leaders to be my mentees...and they all said YES! :) I know, I know, there was a very small chance that they wouldn't, but it was still exciting. 

The one in the middle is my mentee and she mentors the other two! 

The two women on the right are my mentees and the third from the left is mentored by the woman on the far left. On the right is a SHU alumni and a former student leader.

 I am so excited about working with these women! I am planning get to know you trips with each of them. Pottery and the Met are on the agenda so far. They are going to be so amazing this year! I am so blessed to get to walk with them. Please keep them and their mentees in your prayers. I will also be taking over two Bible studies with upper classmen in them. One for juniors with about 7 women and another with 3 seniors. This week is the monumental task of trying to coordinate schedules with all of them. But I trust that God will provide the time.

Other than these three and the other student leaders, I have made good friends with two juniors, a sophomore, and two freshmen. I know God has amazing plans for the two juniors and I. He has already opened doors and broken down barriers allowing us to grow so close in such a short period of time. Of the two freshmen, one is excited to join a Bible study while the other is pretty against it. Keep both of them in your prayers during this time of transition.

A girl who I would not have expected told me today that she was definitely planning on going to SEEK2013. I was literally through the roof. As many of you know, the FOCUS National conference plays a big role in my personal testimony. Five days surrounded by 7000 of your closest friends all continuing their relationship with Jesus Christ - no wonder students walk away changed.

Behind Enemy Lines

Wow! I've been in NJ for a whole week and haven't posted. Every time I have sat down to write, I become overwhelmed by the sheer amount of information I have gained over the past week that I want to impart to my family and friends. Therefore, I sit and stare at a blank screen, sigh, and close my computer before I even BEGIN blogging. My sincerest apologies. I have promised one or two updates a week and I intend to keep that promise.

So instead of trying to cram all of the things I have learned and experienced while here in NJ, I have come up with a list of 5 Things You Should Know:
1. There is traffic. All the time. Everywhere. Moving quickly. Proceed with caution! I think every time I start my car, my heart starts beating faster and my knuckles turn white on the steering wheel.
2. Seton Hall has one of the most beautiful chapels I have ever seen. Seriously. I get to pray here EVERY DAY. And there's a side chapel dedicated to St. Elizabeth. I am so blessed!

3. NJ beaches have pebbles, not tiny shards of various shells everywhere. And giant clam shells. It was so bizarre to dig my toes into the sand and find pebbles rather than thousands of pieces of different shells. The only shells they had were along the water line were these giant clam shells. It's amazing that beaches can be so different.
4. You know you live in an apartment with Catholics when you have over 10 crosses in your apartment (we have 12). We have completely scoured our apartment and redecorated. My parents are the BEST and drove most of my stuff up to me this past weekend, so finally my room feels like I live there (it's pink and has pictures of Pope Benedict XVI...and books. Lots of books.)
5. Anticipation can drive you crazy! All week the missionaries have been looking forward to meeting the students and diving into our lives as missionaries at Seton Hall....well, after what seems like an endless weekend, they have arrived!

Our student leaders got here this afternoon. We have 25(ish) student leaders and are praying that we will end the year with over 60. We had them over for a meal at the women's apartment (fajitas and red velvet cake) followed by a game of Apples to Apples. Over the next two days we will get to spend more time with the 15 leaders who were able to come early. We'll talk about what it means to be a student leader and pray that their hearts are just set on fire by the Holy Spirit for the work He has for us this coming year. The women student leaders still haven't been split up between me and the other missionary, so we will get to know all the women and then invite them into discipleship with us. I get so nervous that they won't like me or wish they had been asked into leadership by the other woman missionary, but then I realize that is the Devil whispering prideful insecurities in my ear. I am here to do God's work. I know He has already chosen the women who I will work with this year, and each is for a reason. And I can't wait.

There are six schools in the NJ/NY area that are within an hour of each other. This past Sunday we were all able to gather at Montclair State University's Newman Center for Mass, dinner, and games. There were almost 30 missionaries there plus a few regional directors and 4 chaplains there. One of the chaplains, a Dominican (I LOVE Dominicans) serving at NYU, and I were talking about our jobs. He proudly told me that he was excited about his new assignment "behind enemy lines". He couldn't wait to begin his work at NYU and really gut the Devil from inside the Belly of the Beast. His enthusiasm, and really the excitement of all the missionaries and priests there, lifted my spirits and rekindled the passion I have for this ministry.

In the Magnificat this month, one of the meditations for the month revolved around Matthew 16:18 "And so I say to you, you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church, and the gates of the netherworld shall not prevail against it". The author remarks that he had never considered the obvious: that the gates need to be battered down. Battered down by an offensive Christian army. So often Christians get in the mindset of defense: defending the Church against the foe, etc., but Jesus told us to "Go forth unto all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit." This Great Commissioning (Matthew 28:19-20), one of the central pillars of FOCUS, calls us to be soldiers for Christ. He is asking us to go behind enemy lines and win these battles for Him. With him as our battle shield, our sword, we cannot lose. (My FAVORITE hymn...third verse is the best)

But, some may ask "Can we decline to go to war?" I'm pretty comfortable in the life I have chosen. I am mildly successful and well liked. I make a pretty nice salary and my family is doing pretty well. Do I really have to do this thing that God is asking of me? Do I really have to fundraise my entire salary and move 20 hours from home where I know no one? Do I really have to join the fight? Can't I simply opt out? The chilling reply is "the war is here already." We cannot remain indifferent. We must choose a side. Every day I must wake up and choose to be an instrument in my God's hands, ready for the crosses He will give me that day. Ready to endure for the sake of the battle being waged at Seton Hall. I pray every day for the strength to be completely His, and I pray for all of you. I pray for the struggles you endure for love of Jesus Christ. United in Christ, we are a mighty army. And standing behind the Pope, the Rock, the gates of hell surely will not prevail.

For All The Saints

So it's been more than 'a day or two', but I still wanted to put these saints out there for those of you who may want to know. I also wanted to provide a little insight into the saints listed in the First Eucharistic Prayer. Many will be familiar apostles, but some will be slightly more obscure:

Peter the Apostle: First Pope and companion of Christ. Martyred in 64AD in Rome, Italy.
Paul the Apostle: Pharisee who experienced a dramatic conversion and became the apostle to the Gentiles. Martyred in 65AD in Rome, Italy.
Andrew the Apostle: First disciple, brother of Peter. Missionary in Asia Minor and Greece, and possibly parts of Poland and Russia. Martyred in Greece.
James the Greater: Called the 'greater' because he became an apostle before James the Lesser. Preached in Samaria, Judea, and Spain. Brother of John and first apostle to be martyred. Martyred in 44AD in Jerusalem.
John the Apostle: The beloved apostle, Our Lady was placed in his care at the foot of the cross by Jesus. Found churches in Asia Minor and baptized converts in Samaria. Died in 101AD in Ephesus.
Thomas the Apostle: Known for doubting Jesus' appearance to the apostles after the Resurrection. Preached in Parthia, Persia, and India. Martyred in 72AD in Mylapur, India.
James the Lesser: First bishop of Jerusalem. Brother of Jude, worked with Paul. Martyred in 62AD in Jerusalem.
Philip the Apostle: Preached in Greece and Asia Minor. Shy and practical, one of the twelve. Martyred in 80AD in Hierapolis, Phrygia.
Bartholomew the Apostle: Preached in Asia Minor, Ethiopia, India, and Armenia. Close friend of Philip. Writer. Martyred in Albanopolis, Armenia.
Matthew the Apostle: Former tax collector. Preached to the Jewish enclave in Ethiopia and other places in the east. Death unknown.
Simon the Apostle: Often called Zealot because of his zeal for the Jewish law. Evangelized in Egypt and Mesopotamia. Martyred in unknown location.
Jude Thaddeus: Cousin of Jesus. Preached in Syria, Mesopotamia, and Persia with St. Simon. Could exorcise pagan idols. Martyred in the first century in Persia.
Linus: Second pope. Mentioned in Paul's second letter to Timothy. Martyred in 76AD in Rome.
Cletus: Convert of St. Peter. Third pope. Martyred in 89AD.
Clement I: Fourth pope and apostolic father. One of the 70 apostles. Martyred in 101AD.
Sixtus I: Seventh pope. Concerned with the liturgy and procedures for priests and bishops. Martyred in 125AD in Rome, Italy. (Could possibly be Sixtus II)
Cornelius: 21st pope. Worked to maintain unity in the face of schism and apostasy. Martyred in 253AD.(I made an executive decision here: there is another Cornelius, the centurion who was converted by Jesus and had his whole family baptized and became a bishop; however, going with the theme of the past few being popes, I figured this is the guy they are talking about)
Cyprian of Carthage: Bishop of Carthage and Father of the Church. Martyred in 258AD in Carthage, North Africa. (again, another tricky one, but because of his dedication to preserving the faith, I believe this is the Cyprian the prayer refers to. The other Cyprian was a pagan magician that St. Justina converted then was martyred.)
Lawrence: Distributor of alms and "keeper of the treasures of the church". Martyred in 258AD in Rome, Italy.
Chrysogonus: Teacher of St. Anastasia. Arrested during the persecution of Diocletian. Comforted Anastasia with his letters. Martyred in 304AD in Aquileia, Italy.
John: Servant of the daughter of Constantine and refused to give up his faith. Secretly martyred in Rome, Italy.
Paul: Also a servant of the daughter of Constantine who refused to give up his faith. Secretly martyred in Rome, Italy.
Cosmas: Twin of St. Damian. Physician who didn't charge his patients. Martyred in 303AD.
Damian: Twin of St. Cosmas. Reported to have miraculously replaced a man's ulcered leg with a corpse's. Martyred in 303AD.
John the Baptist: Prophet who preceded Jesus. Martyred in 30AD in Machaerus.
Stephen the Martyr: Deacon and preacher. First martyr of the Church. Martyred in 33AD.
Matthias the Apostle: Replaced Judas Iscariot as one of the Twelve Apostles.
Barnabas the Apostle: Not one of the Twelve, but mentioned frequently in Acts with St. Paul. Founded the church in Antioch. Martyred in 61AD in Salamis.
Ignatius of Antioch: Succeeded St. Peter as bishop of Antioch. First writer to use the term The Catholic Church. Martyred in 107AD in Rome, Italy.
Alexander: My sources have failed me. There are numerous Alexander's but from the second article cited below, the scholar says that it's an Alexander who was martyred and buried in the cemetery of the Jordani.
Marcellinus: Priest known for his piety. Martyred with St. Peter in 304AD in Rome, Italy.
Peter the Exorcist: Exorcist credited with the conversion of several saints. Martyred with St. Marcellinus in 304AD in Rome, Italy.
Felicity: Convert and friend of St. Perpetua. Martyred in 203AD in Carthage, North Africa.
Perpetua: Convert, wife and mother. Martyred in 203AD in Carthage, North Africa.
Agatha of Sicily: Protected her virginity from the magistrate who tried to exploit her for it. Martyred in 250AD in Catania, Sicily.
Lucy of Syracuse: Prayed to St. Agatha that her mother would be healed and would not force her to marry. Both happened, but her fiancé sold her out to the governor who then ordered her to be killed. Martyred in 304AD in Syracuse, Sicily.
Agnes of Rome: Consecrated herself to God. Others attempted to force her to denounce her faith and her vow of virginity through pagan rituals and marriage, but she refused. Martyred in Rome, Italy.
Cecilia: Vowed her virginity to Christ, but was forced to marry. Converted her husband who then became a martyr. Martyred in 117AD in Rome, Italy.
Anastasia of Sirmium: Married a pagan. Spiritual student of St. Chrysogonus. Martyred in 304AD in Sirmium, Dalmatia.

I know that was a lot, but it truly was a labor of love. I learned so much! I also stumbled upon these two blog entries, which explain the why of the Eucharistic prayer a little better than I did, so here is part one and here is part two. I hope you all have enjoyed exploring the saints and have a new appreciation for the lengthy Eucharistic prayer.

In other news, I have arrived at Seton Hall and will dedicate time this weekend to filling you all in on how the transition and the first week went! I am so excited to be here!

The Seed of the Church

Ah, back in the world of blogging.

Since I have been back in Tampa, most of my time has been split between visiting mission partners and having quality time with my immediate family. My younger sister is about to enter her first year of college and my parents will officially be empty-nesters, so quality time is a must in my house for these few weeks.

I officially head to Seton Hall in one week! (Check out the counter that I wasted spent an hour trying to figure out) Stay tuned for more frequent updates of my life as a missionary.

In one of the many amazing conversations that I had with my mission partners these past few weeks, we were discussing the Eucharistic prayers used at Mass. Many times priests prefer using the shortest one (Eucharistic Prayer II or, as I have dubbed it, the "dewfall" prayer), but the new priest at this MP's parish had taken to saying the loooongest version (Eucharistic prayer I or, as I like to call it, the "all the saints" prayer). The priests at training liked to use this version as well. As the celebrant breezes through the close to 40 saints that are included in the prayer I always wonder who these people were. In fact, this MP remarked that she wished the priest would take the time in a homily to mention one of these saints a week so that the congregation could follow what was happening in the Eucharistic prayer. (Here is a link to the text of all 4 regularly used Eucharistic prayers, if you have no idea what I am talking about, or if you just want a refresher)

It just so happens that today, the feast of St. Sixtus II and his companions, that the priest centered his homily around Eucharistic Prayer I! I knew that I had to share the information with all of you! I know I will not do it justice, so if you are looking for a better explanation to the Eucharistic Prayers, I will point you in the direction of this book that seems to be a better source. Basically the priest said that the first Eucharistic Prayer commemorates the martyrs of Rome, the martyrs whose sacrifice made Christianity possible. Tertullian is famously quoted as saying that "the blood of the martyrs is the seed of the church". Without these amazing witnesses to budding Christianity, the Church would not be what she is today. So we celebrate the Eucharistic Sacrifice not only with the Church on earth, but we get to join those in heaven as well.

In the next day or two, my ambition is to post the list of the 40ish saints listed in Eucharistic Prayer I with a little description and a link to a more detailed page for each. I hope someone finds it useful! I know I will have tons of fun looking up these saints and I look forward to the next time our priest uses the "all the saints" prayer.

A World of Wanderers

My sister and I have been watching Heroes (the TV show that aired a few years ago with the actor who played Jess on Gilmore Girls - here's looking at you, my fellow Gilmore Girl enthusiasts from college). She is about a season and a half behind me, but she is quickly catching up. It's funny because she has all of these reactions and I just have to run with them even though I know what happens next season. I'm trying to be good, though, and not spoil the whole series. Just a bit of fluff and insight into the world of Megan this summer.

My dad and I have been going to daily Mass together. He started going for Fortnight of Freedom and has continued for the rest of the week. Because he works, he goes to the 7am Mass (as opposed to the 8:30). Once I realized he was going to Mass too, I decided to go with him. There is something about praying with your family that is beautiful, and I was raised to consider family time with God important. So when my alarm goes off at 6am, and I am sorely tempted to snooze it for another hour and a half of sleep, I roll out of bed because it is important for me to go to Mass with my dad.

This morning the first reading was a little intense.

"Yes, days are coming, says the Lord God, when I will send famine upon the land: Not a famine of bread, or thirst for water, but for hearing the word of the Lord. Then they shall wander from sea to sea and rove from the north to the east in search of the word of the Lord, but they shall not find it." ~Amos 8:11-12

Amos was a prophet to the northern tribes of Israel around 750 BC during the time of the divided kingdom, right before they were exiled into Assyria. (I know all of this thanks to my handy dandy Bible Timeline) The Israelites were cheating their neighbors and giving into the greed in their hearts. This dark time, the absence of the word of God, was to be their punishment for all of their disobedience to God. As one would say if we were in English class: "Foreshadowing!"

But this darkness does not sound unfamiliar. Aren't we living in an age where God's word is hard to find? And can't you see people wandering across the Earth searching for...something, they don't quite know what? That is why I am so glad that I am a missionary. I have been so blessed in my life: I was raised by loving parents who taught me about God; I had decent friends growing up, good ones even by the time I got to college; I was brought to FOCUS, God only knows how, where He fed my desperate desire to know Him; now I am continually fed by amazing examples of virtuous men and women daily. Yet not everyone's lives are like mine. In fact, 44% of American college students reported feeling symptoms of depression (source) and suicide is the third (some sources say second) leading cause of deaths among college students (source). They are searching for the word of Life but can't find it. I praise God for all of the work He is doing on college campuses, for the compassion He is showing to His disobedient children by bringing them His word through FOCUS and other organizations like us. Please pray for all of us who are wandering around the earth, starving for the word of the Lord.

"He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord" ~ Deuteronomy 8:3

Home Again

Happy July 4th everyone! I pray you have a blessed day with family and friends.

My life has been pretty crazy the past few days! Drove to Atlanta on Saturday with two amazing new missionaries - it's so strange to say: "See you at Conference!" - and got to my friend's house where 4 adorable children were waiting with a birthday cake for me (made from scratch...she's such a baker). That night we got a chance to catch up, which was so good. The next day we went to Mass and two of us headed for Florida while our host left to be a counselor at a LifeTeen camp. The drive both days was pretty uneventful: we loved the scenery in TN, clutched the steering wheel all the way through Atlanta (even on a weekend!), and shouted for joy once we hit the FL border. Kentucky was somewhere in there too...I might have been sleeping.

That night, I was able to talk with my sister for a long time, definitely longer than I should have, about life and a camp she had recently worked at. I was involved with that camp for a long time. It has such potential but was a bad trap for me spiritually. Listening to stories from her, I could see the true desire to be disciples of Christ and lead others to him, yet because of our humanity and lack of guidance, falling far short of that goal. One of the most important things I learned by joining FOCUS is the need for witnesses. The world doesn't need more teachers, they need witnesses.

I was definitely NOT the best witness through high school and the first half of college. My actions were one of a lazy, half-committed Catholic while I condemned those who had commitment problems of their own. Those were definitely not some of my better days. But having lived through them helped me realize my need to pray for the graces of compassion and understanding. And with being involved in FOCUS, I have realized how important it is not to excuse my behavior, but to truly hold myself to a higher standard. In order to impart your knowledge to another person, it is necessary to prove you can say such things. For example, if you want to teach Algebra, you have to graduate from college, proving proficiency in Math and Teaching. You have the intellectual authority to teach. The same goes with morals: we must have the moral high ground. And while that sounds condescending, if you are truly living a moral life, following Christ and His Church, you will be growing in the graces of charity and understanding. With these spiritual gifts, when you fraternally correct a brother or sister, you will not be condemning them because you will be speaking from the Holy Spirit. We cannot be leaders in faith walking behind or even with our brothers and sisters, we must walk ahead and show them the way.

The Beginning in the End

Today was the last day of New Staff Training.

The past week has been hard on everyone here. It seems sometime during week 5, everyone hits their wall. The wall that says, "I cannot smile, speak to, meet, hold the door open for, have coffee with, share a pew with one more person or I will explode. I need to leave NOW." I reached that point around lunchtime on Wednesday. I was over NST and just reallllly wanted to curl up on the comfy couch I know is waiting for me back home. Don't get me wrong, I have loved NST, and I know I will miss being here, but Saturday couldn't come soon enough. So this morning when I woke up, I steeled myself for the final classes, which happened to be about how to manage our finances as a missionary. Yippee. The most stimulating topic...(please tell me you caught a little of that sarcasm) Now it's not that I don't want to learn all of the information they gave us, but trying to explain company finances like taxes and policies, etc. to 150 people? It was difficult enough when I used to work at a law office and they explained it to me one on one. Then during the commissioning Mass, which was beautiful, I was too hot and started feeling sick again (still haven't been able to completely shake my nausea), and all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and sleep for two weeks.

BUT I had told a friend I was going to go to this end-of-NST bbq at a missionary's parents' lake house an hour and a half away. I couldn't help thinking walking out of Mass how stupid that was of me and how much I wanted to back out. Jesus pokes and prods us where He can heal us, so I wound up in my friend's car and slept for entire ride to the house. The house was so beautiful! I'm no expert on estimation, but I'd say there were at least 100 missionaries playing lawn games in the sloping back yard, jumping off the 30ft. platform, and racing cardboard boats at this house. I had a wonderful conversation with my mentor, whom I will not see until the conference in January, over dinner. Then a good friend looked like she was about to leave, and I knew I had to get back to get rest for the drive tomorrow, so I asked to ride back with her. Thank you Holy Spirit.

I was able to catch a ride with them. Although I only knew her really well, I fit in well with their easy camaraderie. We spent the ride singing along with the country station, talking in English accents and giving each other massages. Seriously. I have been in cars with 4 other women before...that doesn't happen. Missionaries are so life giving, always sacrificing for the good of another. These truly were my sisters in Christ and we were washing each other's feet. It was so wonderful! The only downside? I now want to stay another week to get to know these other 3 women better. Of course. It's so easy to overlook these little blessings, so I'm trying to be more aware of God's hand in my life. Moments like the car ride home where my love tank was filled up and I remembered why I love my job are truly a gift from the Ultimate Giver. He is so good.

Even though the moment is going to be bittersweet, I am excited to see one of my good friends. The drive from IL to FL is a good 17 hours, so a friend in Atlanta offered to let me and the other woman riding with me stop at her place overnight. She and I became good friends last semester and I miss her like crazy. And talk about sacrificial love, she is always thinking of others! (She's the one who I talked about last week with honor) I can't wait to give her a huge hug and talk far too long into the night. Pray for her as she leaves Sunday morning as well to be a camp counselor!

These are my beautiful BAC friends...the one from Atlanta is the second from the right. I miss them (you) all so much!

Busy Butterflies

To day that the past week has been crazy would be an understatement.

Last week after the silent retreat, I got sick and was out for a good 2 and a half days. It was so sad to miss the practicals (what we were learning in the main classes for the day), but it was so nice to see how much people cared about me. My teammates, my college, and friends I had made all texted me, asking if I was ok, bringing me lunch and water when I couldn't leave the room. Then this weekend I went on a day and a half prayer team training, and ended Saturday night with an etiquette dinner followed by a dance. The missionaries were taught how to waltz and salsa. The men were given the command "you are not allowed to be a wallflower. A woman may sit out of a dance if she chooses, but men must always offer the ladies an opportunity to dance." Needless to say, the women all grinned anticipating a night of dance while the men all groaned and rolled up their collared-shirt sleeves. Despite the slight groans, most of the men did a superb job of asking different women to dance, and by the end of the night they had mastered leading a simple waltz. It was nice as a woman on the dating fast to be asked to dance by a man without instantly panicking: 'Why did he do that? Does he like me? I now must scrutinize every encounter with him to see if he likes me.' Quite refreshing. And when the DJ had mercy on the poor men and their courage, this happens. Oh, I love being a missionary. Sunday...I'm really not sure what happened to Sunday.

Monday was my birthday! I woke up to a text from my mom (sent at the exact time I was born) and the day just got better from there. I had a package from home with my favorite cupcakes in them: chocolate chip cookie dough! :) I got to lead the rosary for all the first-years and someone told the MC it was my birthday, and he got up and announced it aaaaand everyone proceeded to sing me happy birthday. Then I got to have lunch with a beautiful friend who gave me a stunning drawing (not the one referenced earlier) and then my team came over with Cold Stone cupcakes and made the ENTIRE CAFETERIA sing me happy birthday. I blushed, but anyone who knows me, knows I loved every second. Later, I got to go to confession, which was beautiful, and did a little bit of work before going out with my college. We (plus our deans' boyfriends) went to a bar, which was practically deserted, and played cornhole (or bags) and darts. My team lost every time, but THE SWIMMING OLYMPIC QUALIFIERS WERE ON. So basically, Jesus loves me a lot. Oh, did I mention that while we were there, both Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte swam the 400m IM? Yeah, He loves me A LOT. As a side, thank you to all of you who wished me a happy birthday! I promise I will thank all of you individually once I'm back in Tampa.

So yesterday when I woke up and realized how much I had to do, I sat down and prioritized. With only 4 days of training left and seemingly exponentially greater mountains of "fun"d-work to do, I made the decision to put off some phone calls and facebook messages to friends until I got home. I feel so guilty about doing so, but I know (hope) they (you) will understand. So if you are reading this and I should have called you, I am immensely sorry and will call you as soon as FOCUS-missionary-ly possible.

So I wanted to go into a little more depth about the retreat on Saturday. It is an area of my spiritual life that is continually growing but has become a huge part of my prayer time. Also, Peter Herbeck came and talked about the Holy Spirit on Monday, so kinda appropriate. Prayer teams are rooted in the charismatic movement of the Catholic Church.  The past few popes as well as calling for a New Evangelization, have talked about a New Pentacost, a great outpouring of the Holy Spirit. My understanding of the charismatic movement is that one invites the Holy Spirit more intimately into one's life. You pray for an outpouring of the Holy Spirit into your soul. I was introduced to the charismatic movement last year through Freedom to Worship, a movement in Tampa, and my spiritual director for the past year, who I met there, was helping me explore the Holy Spirit and His gifts in my life. Though I had experienced being prayed over a few times and was learning about the Holy Spirit and His gifts, I had never learned how to pray over someone else. It is such a powerful and healing experience!

We had three teaching sessions followed by a practical session, where we got to practice what we had just learned. In the first, we learned how to listen to what God had to say to us for the other person. And no matter what it was, you shouldn't be afraid to say it. The speaker gave an example that when he was praying over someone and listening for the Lord, he kept thinking (or receiving, same thing) "I hate mommies and daddies". He was like, I can't say that! Jesus doesn't hate our parents! What is this nonsense? But the phrase kept repeating in his head, so finally he said "Um, this may sound strange, but I think the Lord wants me to tell you: 'I hate mommies and daddies'". The woman promptly burst into tears. It turns out she had been abused and she used to call it 'mommies and daddies'. Moral of the story: if the Spirit moves you, don't be afraid to respond. Now you may be thinking, as I was, Megan, that's an experienced, spiritual man. That could never happen to me. I am here to offer you hope in the form of two more stories. When people were listening for me, this guy, whom I had never met before, was in my group and said, "My stomach hurt, and I just kept getting the word 'nausea'". If you look up to the beginning of my post and I said I had been sick? I'd been feeling nauseous for 3 days at that point. Hadn't told him about it. Story two: I was praying over another girl I had just met and kept seeing light and feeling open spaces. That was the best way I could explain it. What does that even mean? But she looked at me when I told her that and I later heard from a friend that what I had said/received from the Spirit 'spoke to her soul'.

If you have never experienced prayer ministry, I highly encourage you to look into it. It is so powerful and I feel the closest to God when I am being prayed over or praying over others. He really does want to heal our wounds and comfort our souls.

Silence

So if anyone was wondering why my blog has been barren for the past few days (I have been excited that I've only allowed one day to pass without updating readers on the happenings of NST, hopefully that continues to campus, where it actually counts...), I have had the privilege of being on a silent retreat. It was a truly beautiful experience. The retreat started at Friday at 8pm and lasted until Sunday after Mass was over (around 6pm). I called my dad after Mass to wish him a happy Father's Day and mentioned that I had been on a silent retreat. He responded as most sane people would, teasing that the only reason I called was because I needed to talk after so much silence. I was surprised by my own answer when I told him that I really didn't feel the need to talk more than usual. You see, we were encouraged to spend our silence meditating on God and talking WITH Him. So I had talked just about as much as normal, just to my Savior, my Heavenly Father, and my Guide rather than to all the other people I usually put before Him. It was so refreshing!

The retreat was a VERY shortened version of the Ignatian Camino Retreat. For a year St. Ignatius traveled to different towns, having discussions with the smartest people in each town, recording all he had learned and his own thoughts and meditations. The Jesuits now use those notes as a 30 day silent retreat called the Spiritual Exercises. The Jesuits have shortened this retreat to about a week and we had a modified version that lasted for about 2 days. Basically Ignatius leads you to a deeper understanding of God and His love and mercy for you using your imagination as a guide. It was really beautiful to be able to use my imagination to place myself with God right before the Incarnation, or at the start of creation. God really blessed my meditations and helped me open up my soul to Him a little more than I had before.

I missed having Father's Day at home with my dad, but if I had to spend it with anyone else, I'm glad it was here surrounded by such holy spiritual fathers. As I've said before, these priests are just top notch. Lately they've been outdoing themselves on their homilies. I am horrible and awkward with conclusions of anything: conversations, papers, speeches, etc. and God is just showing me how amazing He is. These homilies start with an intriguing story progress naturally into deep theological and thought provoking ground and end with one-line zingers that seem to have a life of their own and float around the chapel whispering in our ears long after the priest has resumed his seat. As the words hang in the silence, my jaw hits the floor and I can't help but gaze at the Crucifix in awe and grin. God is just so GOOD!

Also, this is the chapel we get to pray in every day:

I wish I had a better picture to share of the altar...it really is one of the most beautiful I have ever seen - very conducive to meditating.

Today we talked about two more missionary virtues: honor and trust in God. Our college talked a lot about honor. Honor is something inherent to all human beings and should be given to them in the right time and place simply because they have dignity and worth. One simple way of doing this is to greet someone when you pass them. Weird, right? because we live in a culture of headphones glued in our ears, eyes glued to our cellphones, and lips glued shut. Next time you are walking around sometime, take a moment to notice how people walk. And when someone happens to be looking up, gather up the courage to send Christ's love to them through your smile and a genuine "hello". They deserve to be honored that way.

As missionaries, sometimes we can be hyper critical of ourselves and focus on things that we did wrong or could do better, rather than things that went right. That happened tonight as we discussed honor. We started talking about when it was hard to honor others (when they don't honor us, when we're tired, when we are distracted by other things to do) and how we could work on that this coming year. Then as we were wrapping up, our dean observed that we had been discussing lack of honor a lot, so she wanted us to share a time when we were honored. As we went around the room, everyone's mood was lifted when we heard how each other had been honored. I want to honor my friend who honored me by sharing with you the instance I chose. I am the kind of person who enjoys finding out tiny details about my friends and using them to surprise them (learning someone's favorite candy bar and buying it for them on a Thursday, just because) and I love doing it, but outside my family, I hadn't really experienced it a lot. A transfer girl and I had started to get to know each other second semester and became pretty good friends. I was working on my thesis and once it was finished, after months of hard work and stressing everyone out, I presented it to my professors and friends. This particular friend wasn't able to make it because she had a Spanish exam. Well she rushed through her exam and raced back to the bottom of the building I presented in and was waiting for me after my presentation with a bottle of wine and a bouquet of colorful daisies, wishing me congratulations. I am so blessed to have this woman in my life. She is a constant source of comfort and strength and love.

So how have you been honored lately? How have you honored others in return?

Looking for Loopholes

Seriously, we are the most blessed group of individuals on the planet.

But before I get to that, I see people's comments and I tried to reply yesterday, but I'm pretty sure I failed. So! My apologies to people who feel neglected by my non-response. To answer the question of when the picture will be revealed, I have no idea. As you can tell we're pretty busy. I think our hope is to have at least a sketch done by the end of training (which is only 2 weeks away!). It's a pretty intense image...both the picture and the artist's skills are worth the wait. I will keep everyone updated.

Also, I have no idea how to let people 'follow' me. Apparently that's not working either. So if anyone has any insight into either of these two issues, please let me know. :)

So back to being blessed.

We have the most amazing visiting priests coming to training. They are holy and do wonderful things for my view of the priesthood. We are also blessed to have had four Sisters of Life and four Dominican Sisters of Mary (Ann Arbor) with us for a few weeks. What holy and beautiful examples. More specifically, today's homily really bridged the gap for me between the gospel reading and everyday life. For four consecutive days (starting yesterday) we read about Jesus addressing the law. He sees the Pharisees living the letter of the law, but not the spirit and basically says, when you are before God, your 'reasoning' will be seen for the weak excuses that they are. The priest was brilliant! He started the homily with a story of a man who had 2 DUI's and then crashed a snowmobile into a woman's house while intoxicated. The court ruled that because the man was not driving a car on the road (snowmobile into the side of a house) it technically wasn't his third strike, so he could keep his license. Point being that we let the letter of the law get in the way of logic. Obviously this man does not respect the responsibility that comes with having a license. Take it away. Then he slid in "but this is also the country where we have ruled that an abortion is not the killing of a child, as if anyone has ever seen a woman give birth to a plant or another species. I digress." It was amazing.

Aside from the priest being absolutely amazing, his homily really made me think. How often do I try to find loopholes? How many times do I let myself say something was ok because it followed the letter of the law? As Christians, we are called to follow Christ and be imitator of Him. So let's follow Him the way He asks us to: with our hearts which speak to us the fulfillment of the law, and stop hoping we'll get off on a technicality.

The Great Commission

God sends just the right people into our lives at just the right times. I had two amazing conversations today that truly lifted my spirits. Today, a fellow first year got up and basically said, 'Hey, we're all being attacked by the Devil right now. But we're all going through it together. So let's pray together and love God together and fight Satan together.' It was totally what I needed. I've been so spiritually attacked the past month and a half, and it increased exponentially once I got to New Staff Training. Sometimes we forget that we're not alone in this seemingly un-winable battle. We have our family, our friends, our mission partners, our fellow missionaries, our students to turn to for support and love. And let's not forget that the only way we can win these battles is to throw ourselves into the endless mercy of our Father. Ask Him to hide us in the wounds of His Son so the Evil One will not prevail (on a side note, you all should pray the Anima Christi - one very powerful prayer).

Conversation #1 was with a potential mission partner, but more than that, she has been a staple in my life at the parish my family has attended for over a decade. She had never really heard of FOCUS before, so I was really able to start from the beginning, no preconceived notions or judgments about us either good or bad, and go through my love story with God and the part FOCUS played in it. We got to talk about how FOCUS missionaries go through similar struggles as youth ministers, DRE's, and other ministry positions within the Church. How we all need each other to strengthen the mission of each person, because sometimes it feels like you're just spinning your wheels. But to know you can pick up the phone and someone else will know exactly what you're talking about and encourage you to go back to where it all begins: prayer and your relationship with/trust in our Lord.

Conversation #2 happened toward the end of the night. A girl I had lunch with probably the second day I was here. She is just such a vibrant personality and we formed a loose friendship somehow within the maybe 30 minutes we shared a meal together. The following 2.5 weeks, we have said hello and just loved each other like sisters without really spending any more time together. Today I had an image come to me in meditating upon the Sorrowful Mysteries that I really wanted drawn, and as I have no artistic ability, I needed to turn elsewhere. I happened to know this girl was an artist. Now, I have had other images come to me in prayer, yet I have never felt the desire to see them drawn. And I wasn't sure if asking her to draw it would work out. But at 10 o'clock tonight, she was in my room where we talked about Mary, the rosary, the Sorrowful Mysteries, St. Mary Magdelene and that was just when we were discussing the sketch she would do for me. She shared with me that she had been praying for a deeper devotion to the rosary. And here I was asking for a picture of my meditation on the Sorrowful Mysteries. God answers prayers.

We continued talking and discovered we both have an affinity toward the charismatic movement within the Church. So naturally the conversation moved to the Holy Spirit and the ways Jesus speaks to us in prayer. The conversation was like a breath of fresh air. I feel God has been asking me for perseverance in prayer because it is a virtue I struggle with. I have been a little discouraged with this, but talking with this woman revitalized me, made me excited to go back to prayer determined to be patient and grow in perseverance.

Ending the conversation, we talked about how the readings for the past two weeks seem to be catered to missionaries. As if the Holy Spirit whispered in the ears of those who decided the reading cycle that in 1998 a missionary organization would be founded and their training would take place in the few weeks after Easter, so plan accordingly. Discussing this option, as it is entirely plausible, we decided that it could be that the missionary pattern seen here is actually present throughout the whole of the Bible, especially the New Testament, and this theme has nothing to do with FOCUS in particular, but rather the commissioning of the entire Church. For Jesus said, "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, to the close of the age." (Matthew 28:19-20)